Well, I’ve gone two years without taking a drink! It has been tough at times. This past year I had two or three occasions where I was tempted to drink and had to physically remove myself from the gatherings. But it’s worth it.
To me, sobriety is not the end of the struggle. It merely provides a coherent context for me to continue working. It’s like a stable bookshelf where I can organize all the little baskets of crazy that I need to work through one at a time!
My weight is the next issue I really need to focus on. I had an appointment with a doctor yesterday regarding a strained Achilles tendon on my right heel. It is so inflamed that I actually thought I had a ganglion cyst. My poor “cankles” are carrying far too much weight!
I’ll be resuming my efforts to eat in a healthier way and exercise more. Previous attempts that I’ve written about have not been successful and I’m now at my highest “non-pregnancy” weight. My goal is to report significant weight loss in next year’s December 12th blog!
The main thing is that I want my head to be in a good place. I know that abusive eating is just a distraction like drinking was. I don’t want to be distracted anymore! I want to be focused and effective to raise my boys the best way I can and create beautiful jewelry and make a difference with the Clever Betsy co-op… so many grand plans and so little time in a day! That’s the other thing I’ve been realizing lately – just as I don’t want to “catastrophize” by building up negative thoughts to create a “crisis” that requires a food or alcohol binge to “solve” neither do I want to “ambitionize” myself. I’m only human and there’s only so much I can do in a day. Trying to do too much is only a set up for frustration and disappointment which also seems to require a binge to “solve.” So, my latest approach is slow and steady, one small good decision leading to another…
For example, I have been able to get myself out to walk Wiki more regularly. I’ve been getting up early most mornings and wandering a bit with the dog happily winding his leash around me. The fresh air feels good and gets me going. So, I’ll thank God for that and continue to look for small things to be grateful for everyday. My mother in law told me something inspirational that her pastor had said recently “Gratitude is the attitude that sets our mental latitude.” I think I have that right. Anyway, you get the idea. Gratitude is good! Some interesting blog links regarding sobriety, optimism etc. are posted below. I enjoyed wandering through these and you may too…
“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.” ~ Denis Waitley
CB 
Relevant Links:
http://sippiambrose.blogspot.com/
http://sobriety-is-exhausting.blogspot.com/
http://aprincipledaalife.blogspot.com/
http://mrsponsorpants.typepad.com/mr_sponsorpants/2009/12/clever.html
