My husband drew my attention to the definition of the word “Metanoia” which is referenced in a song by MGMT – a band that I’m growing to love. Here’s Wiki’s explanation of the term:

“Metanoia in the context of theological discussion, where it is used often, is usually interpreted to mean repentance. However, some people argue that the word should be interpreted more literally to denote changing one’s mind, in the sense of embracing thoughts beyond its present limitations or thought patterns (an interpretation which is compatible with the denotative meaning of repentance but replaces its negative connotation with a positive one, focusing on the superior state being approached rather than the inferior prior state being departed from.)

In the context of rhetoric, metanoia is a rhetorical device used to retract a statement just made, and then state it in a better way.[1] As such, metanoia is similar to correctio.

In the psychological theory of Carl Jung, metanoia denotes a process of reforming the psyche as a form of self healing, a proposed explanation for the phenomenon of psychotic breakdown. Here, metanoia is viewed as a potentially productive process, and therefore patients’ psychotic episodes are not necessarily always to be thwarted, which may restabilize the patients but without resolving the underlying issues causing their psychopathology.”

I was fascinated with this concept. I like that it is forward-moving and not punitive. I also identified with Jung’s theory that break downs can have their purpose. I think our society is so quick to “medicate and placate” serious emotional breaks that could go either way – situations that could be break downs or break throughs aren’t allowed to run their own course because medication is more convenient.

Of course, I’m talking here about incidents that involve relatively “normal” people who are going through episodes rather than the seriously mentally ill who have a history of behavior that demonstrates they must be medicated for their own protection or the protection of others.

I actually had a bit of a nervous breakdown back in November that I believe was sleep deprivation induced and postpartum related. (Plus some bi-polar tendencies for good measure…)

But what bothered me about the medical care that I was given is that instead of looking into my background and realizing that I had no history of serious mental health issues, I was immediately medicated with very strong doses of about five drugs!

I was so freaked out by the whole experience that I went along with what the doctor recommended instead of doing my own research/trusting my own gut feeling that I didn’t need the medication. The main reason I feel this way is that I have been sober from alcohol for a while and being on meds didn’t feel right. It felt dependent. Others might argue differently. The doctor certainly did! So, I took the medications for a couple of months.

Consequently, I had to wean my son from breastfeeding at 7 months when I’d planned to wean him at a year. That upset me terribly. But, I’m trying to forgive myself and let go of it. All things work together for good and there must be some higher reason that I’m not yet aware of. His teeth were coming in fast and furiously so perhaps I would have lost a nipple! Hahah!

Anyway, I didn’t find that the medication helped me. Actually, at first it did. It forced me to catch up on sleep. But after a few weeks I noticed negative side effects like lethargy. Also, I’d read up by then and gotten concerned about the myriad of possible long term side effects such as heart trouble, diabetes, etc. I quite taking the meds but made a promise to my husband that I’d make sure I was getting adequate sleep and eating better. I also had to distance myself from certain life situations / relationships that I knew were increasing my anxiety.

Recently I started taking a multi-vitamin, B-12 and fish oil tablets per my mother and mother-in-law’s advice. And I’ve been working out again. These things seem to help with energy level and mood stabilization.

So, until the next break down/break through, I remain “Metanoiasly” yours trying to expand my mind but not so far that it explodes!

Hahaha!

CB ;-)

Relevant Links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metanoia

http://www.clipmachine.be/archief/p/detail/mgmt-metanoia

(Please note – I don’t think this very poor quality clip does their music justice!)

Lyrics to MGMT “Metanoia”

Metanoia, reshaping the world

It can teach you

And reprogram you

It can show you the flood

That’s trapped inside

This one’s alive

The tail is breathing

And she’s listening

Kill the serpent

Divide, disperse and grow

Into an oak

A silver lining on a black scale

Wicked hunter on three hooves he still rode

But where is the fourth?

You can climb there

To your lofty perch

It can teach you the fairytale of hurt

Mystic referee, don’t look on me with scorn

I’m a child, I’m a lover being born

Satchidananda

Disregard the path I’m on

You can justify the action, should you bless

My ambition and my indecisiveness

Satchidananda

Let me know that you exist

Watch me tremble as I’m answering the phone

I am separate from everything you know

Mystic referee I promise to return

Once I’ve given up and lessons have been learned

Satchidananda

You can watch my fire burn

We were talkin’ junk right,

Just before the show

This wild-eyed kid came up to the fence

He took one look at us, and he said:

“Help me,

Drummer,

Ticket,

Yeah!”

We didn’t play his favorite song,

Now he’ll never come to another show

Hospitals and woods confirm

Red in the eyes of everyone

Parasites and lovers scrape the meat from bones

Turned into jade and tiger’s eye

Save me some dark hair over a face like hers

She’ll help the rain come to a pour

Bathroom floor of stone and tiles broke in two

Warm where they touch her porcelain

Timid skin I’m careful to untie this road

Wrapped in a knot indifferent

Lion’s foot unearthing all the things i’ve seen

But never truly understood

Rotten wood from oceans that were never green

Crumbles beneath the canopy

Secretly

Let’s pretend we never touched the sugar

Tonight, under rose

You won’t find another wheel to roll

When autumn winds appear

We wear these fears on our right

It just wants to be surreal ’cause

All dressed in diamond image jeans

Mercury’s found in old field

We miserable in love

And chance we walked

Right on in, into the streets of the city but

Watching people disappear

Without reaching out

Years and years

You’re left by yourself

On the wheel